I Am Still Here

 Love Interruption

I was typing my blog last Friday, about my wonderful discovery (because my brain does not work the way it should at times) that Pasta can be vegetarian. I was interrupted by those who I had invited over for dinner, my son and grandsons (7 & 6 years old), and my sister. My grandchildren enjoy being in the kitchen with Gaga: tasting and smelling different seasonings I use, helping me stir, or getting to taste as I cook. I have said a million times that a child's place is in the kitchen, I will say it at least another million times hahaha. It's good to give them a sense of accomplishment and my grandchildren even have some of their own little spatulas and spoons made just their size to help me. (I got them at TheDollarTree.com and the boys love them!) I also made a wonderful salad with lettuce, green olives, tomatoes, cucumbers, and avocados it was fabulous; topped off with the yummiest buttery garlicky french bread. I had planned this menu specifically so I could tell my grandchildren that I am a vegetarian now, well I told them I'm a veggiesaurus because they are dinosaur fans. The oldest understood immediately and told his brother "vegetarian means herbivore" lol. It went perfectly and my sister stayed for the weekend. It wasn't until Sunday that she finally caved in and needed some meat, there is none in the house and I am not sure if I want any in the house other than maybe lunchmeat for her or anyone else that comes and stays.

Thriller!

I have had two major loves my entire life, and if you have been reading this blog you will know they are musicians. When I was a little girl I had posters of one of them and Donnie Osmond (give me a break, I was born in 1967 lol) all over my bedroom walls. My father came in and told me that my bedroom needed some "culture" and he hung a poster - horizontally - over the top of my door. I told him I did not want a poster of "old men" in my room. The poster was of The Eagles. I do not remember the exact year, it was before July 1976 though and The Eagles had long hair. They look great to me now, as a grown woman lol. I was gutted when Glenn Frey passed... it was not his time. The person who was all over my walls, with Donnie Osmond, was Michael Jackson of course. When the Jackson 5 hit it big in 1970 I was 2 1/2. My mom tells the story that I would watch them on tv and say I was going to marry Michael someday. 

When my children were young I introduced them to Michael and his brothers and their music, indoctrinated you might say. One weekend my sister and I, and our children, were watching MTV (this is when they actually showed videos) and it was "Michael Jackson Weekend". Well, they loved all the music and videos and dance parties, until we got to Thriller. I traumatized my children right before bed and then NOBODY slept that night! (Remind me to tell you the "Chocolate Pudding Man" story sometime lol). I tell that story now and parents are horrified, we did not think the children would be upset... we were wrong! The worst part was on Sunday a concert was shown. I thought, ok I am safe. The music started and my kids started getting nervous and said they didn't want to see "Wolf Michael" (yes they had a name for him now). I told them they would be fine. I had made a rule of not lying to my children, if I told them I promised something I went through with it - good or bad. You already know what is coming next. I promised them that "Wolf Michael" wouldn't come out. Halfway through the song he goes backstage and comes back out and makes a liar out of me! Thanks, Michael.

Girlfriend

Most people do not know that Paul McCartney wrote the song Girlfriend for Michael Jackson, of course, most people aren't obsessed with both The Beatles & Michael Jackson at the same time! My musical tastes do not betray my age because I don't happen to think music HAS an age. Sgt. Pepper should appeal to people one hundred years from now just as Crazy (Patsy Cline) still appeals to people just as Beethoven still appeals to people. I dance it out to Dua Lipa and Bruno Mars and The Commodores and Aretha Franklin. Okay, enough lecturing, back to The Beatles. Of course, my favorite is John. I believe you can tell a lot about a person by their favorite Beatle, and EVERYBODY has a favorite even if it's who they "would like if they liked The Beatles". The Beatles are like Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water wonderful alone and even better and complementary together. I love all of them, John was just the one that touched me and then he died... the story of my life! I remember waking up to the radio, do you remember listening to the radio all night or setting the clock radio to wake you up with music lol great times! I remember waking up and the deejay saying the John Lennon song he had played was by "The late, great John Lennon". I knew what that meant and knew it couldn't be true because he was alive. When I moved to New York 6 years later going to Strawberry Fields was on the top of my list of places to visit. At that time the news would show the mourners every year on John's birthday and the anniversary of his murder. We would gather and sing his songs, people would bring their children, it was a place of love.

I am grateful I have lived long enough to appreciate the genius of George Harrison. I genuinely love his songs and how intricate they are. My two best friends in h.s. loved Ringo and Paul so I loved them very early on. Of course, I loved Paul McCartney for the beauty of his voice and the mystery/conspiracy theories that ran rampant. My parents listened to all the evidence about this new "Faux Paul" nonsense all night one night; I was destined to be a Beatlemaniac. I also love that Paul McCartney, like me, stays current with music and is also a vegetarian. 

Wonderful Christmastime?

I told you all of that to tell you about a couple of the most amazing Christmas gifts I received this year. My daughter lives in Chicago and could not come to town for Christmas, especially after we lost her father. Losing her father on Nov. 28th (Thanksgiving weekend) made everything "difficult" for the whole family. I say "difficult", what I mean is I stopped eating and my grandchildren are still dealing with it and my ex-husband's brothers are still hurting and none of that equals the pain my children are feeling. To have all of this happen during the holidays when most of us also have our birthdays, only added to the pain and loss. We didn't want to celebrate anything, the presents that I had ordered before Thanksgiving were all family-oriented. On Christmas, my son gave me the gift my daughter got for me: an autographed picture of MICHAEL JACKSON!!! Are you kidding me?! Best gift in the world, amiright? Today I received a text from my daughter telling me to check my mailbox for a package. I did immediately because I was hoping it was her... it wasn't, bummer. The package was from Barnes & Nobles, one of my favorite places because I love books. I actually prefer HalfPriceBooks.com because shipping is always free and they keep books out of landfills. I have passed on my love for books to my daughter, one of the things that makes me the happiest in the world. I opened the package, half expecting books on being Veggie or grieving. It was Paul McCartney - The Lyrics!!! This is an amazing two books that delve deep into Paul's life through his songs, something I understand when music is your love language it is literally how you speak and how you remember times and events. I will be back soon, I am going to let Paul McCartney heal me as he heals himself through losing his mum, Linda, and our beloved John.

i hope to see you soon & be good to yourself

The Bear Family Begins

I was living in New York in the late 1980s, working as a live-in nanny. It was great work if you liked the family and miserable if you didn't. The gig was this: they pay all the bills (rent/phone/food/etc) pay you each week (not a lot, again everything was paid for though) & give you 2 days off (usually Sunday & Monday). You were responsible for the children and usually housework in addition to meal prep. Again great deal if you liked the family, I lucked out with my first and third families and still keep in touch with them. I hated to leave NY because that was the place I found myself, however, I wanted a family of my own and I had not been able to figure a way to stay in NY. January 1990 I moved back home to Texas and got a job as a cocktail waitress and met a man with the bluest eyes I had ever seen.

Papa Bear

His hair was longish and blonde, his eyes were blue, he was slim and not my type at all and so of course I had no choice but to fall in love on the spot. He was so beautiful like something truly created by God! We would talk casually at work, I would put my best flirt on, he would just pass me by. Devastated I talked to my mother and sister about him. I should mention at this juncture that I live in a small town and look very similar to my mom and dad, depending on who you meet first since I lost my father when I was 8... well you understand. I was devastated by my father's death, he was everything to me and I was so young and it happened so fast. He drowned you see, he was in a manmade lake and nobody knows exactly what happened except one minute he was here and the next minute not. God needed a new Angel. Back to my story, I was bemoaning my sad love life and my mother piped up with "Oh yeah I know him, he looks just like your father Tanya". First of all, I knew what my father looked like thankyouverymuch, and second, how could she already know my one and only??? I was heartbroken. Since coming back from NY things had fallen back to "Are you related to..." yes, she's my mom. My eyes would roll so hard I thought they might never be the same, of course, I was only 22 so please don't judge me too harshly hahaha. One night I saw my One and I could tell something was troubling him and asked what was wrong he said "Nothing, I'm just melancholy" Oof!!!

Baby Bear

Melancholy... are you kidding me?! The rest of these mouth-breathers would have said they were "sad" or looked at my boobs and said something else but he was melancholy. I saw him the next day, in a dark bar in the middle of the afternoon. I grabbed him by his Mexican poncho and told him I had had enough and he was taking me out the next night. I've always had men around me so I have never doubted myself when it comes to men; however, I had a date THAT night so he couldn't take me out that Thursday the 12th. Oh, he showed up anyway. I had to work so the man could only take me to a jazz bar and, since we worked together, he knew where we were going. My date didn't carry any harsh feelings, he could tell we were meant to be. So, Friday the 13th we tempted fate and went out after work. It wasn't an official date... Since he knew my mom and we were such a perfect fit he moved what few things he had in with me that weekend. His birthday was just a few days after that and I got him A DOG! Yes, I do know that you are howling, I was 22. We named the dog Baby, Baby Bear and so the Bear family came to be.

Mama Bear

That weekend he was moving in, since I didn't have a phone yet I would go to my mom's. She kept telling me my friend, the last lady I worked for in NY, kept calling and wanted me to call back. This was in the 1990s remember, back before cell phones, if somebody called and you were not home you went about your day without knowing someone had called until you got home. I would call her back and inevitably get her machine. We just kept missing each other until Monday, I was finally off from work and my beau was at work so I had a chance to talk about him uninterrupted. My girlfriend called and I talked without taking a breath for maybe five minutes before noticing I had not asked why she had been calling. She told me it didn't matter any longer, she had been calling to get me to come back to NY. She would pay for my ticket and pay for my education to become a paralegal, she's a lawyer, however, I was happy now in TX so it didn't matter. That weekend changed my life and I have always wondered what would have happened if I had received her call before Monday. Actually, I do not have to wonder. I love TX, just not the town where I live and NY is where my soul lives! I would have RUN back to NY if I had known there was an opportunity, fate had other ideas. Our first date was in April, we were married in July, and our son was born prematurely the following January.

January 7th

Today is my son's 31st birthday. It's his first birthday without his best friend and father. That means today is not about me and I cannot be sad if he is callous or standoffish to my offer of cooking him dinner tonight. I have to keep reminding myself that he is still a hunter and meat-eater, he didn't become a vegetarian when his father passed like I did. I miss my ex-husband so much I feel like I might be sick most days... I still can't talk about what happened to him heck I can't even type it right now without breaking down. Today is not about me. It's about my son. I am an empath, which just means I feel things very deeply and I can feel what other people are feeling. Many times empaths are portrayed in movies as mind-readers or some such, more like readers of emotions. I can tell you if somebody is lying about how they feel, not about if they killed the Black Dahlia, that's just in the movies hahaha. My son keeps his anger about his world cloaked about him like Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility. It vibrates off of him at times though and he knows I can feel it so he prefers to see me on holidays and send his children to me especially when they need an attitude adjustment. They can't get past Gaga. The vibrating anger and need to be away from me makes things difficult. See, he's his mother's son in so many ways, he is also an empath. When he knows I am doing my best to control my emotions and he is doing his best well... 💥💥💥

One of our grandsons was born on January 4th, the first time we met him was January 7th. His eyes are bluer than I have ever seen. His hair is so blonde and he looks just like his father. Hopefully, someday he will meet somebody who thinks he was created by God just for them. I know that's what his Papa would want for him too. Happy Birthday little Boo Bear ❤

 Chex Mix-ish Muddy Buddy Recipe

As I have stated before, I cook and have never been able to follow a recipe well enough to bake anything. Below is the original recipe for Chex Muddy Buddies. 

Gluten Free Chex™ Muddy Buddies™

This classic chocolate, peanut butter and powdered sugar Chex Mix recipe has been a beloved part of families’ kitchens for years. Transform Chex™ cereal into a delicious treat in just 15 minutes. We call it Muddy Buddies™, but you may know it as Puppy Chow.

INGREDIENTS

9 cups Rice Chex™, Corn Chex™ or Chocolate Chex™ cereal (or combination)

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

1/2 cup peanut butter

1/4 cup butter or margarine

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

PREPARATION

Into large bowl, measure cereal; set aside.In 1-quart microwavable bowl, microwave chocolate chips, peanut butter and butter uncovered on High 1 minute; stir. Microwave about 30 seconds longer or until mixture can be stirred smooth. Stir in vanilla. Pour mixture over cereal, stirring until evenly coated. Pour into 2-gallon resealable food-storage plastic bag.Add powdered sugar. Seal bag; shake until well coated. Spread on waxed paper to cool. Store in airtight container in refrigerator.

Can't Leave Well Enough Alone

That is how they make them. That is mostly how I made them, though I think I will add some peppermint flavoring next time... it's a curse really ☺️ I followed the recipe except when it came time to put the powdered sugar on. 

I placed mine on wax paper. 

Spread it out as much as possible... very difficult at first. Poured the powdered sugar on! As I mixed them up they got dusted and broke apart.

I used more powdered sugar this way & next time I make these I will probably use a colander to get the powdered sugar off before putting them up.

The recipe is wonderful and the Chex site has easily 20 others that look just as good. I will be attempting the Lemon recipe next 😉

 

The Journey Begins

I guess you could say I have always been on the path to becoming a vegetarian, isn't that what life is one long path?! My son, my oldest child of two, has teased me I would end up a vegetarian eventually ever since I discovered the Planet Earth documentaries. Ok, that might need some explanation... I stopped eating fish after watching quite a few nature documentaries about how the oceans are overfished. Also about how they live, it is disgusting! No thank you, I don't care how good you smell blackened shrimp. 😆 That left chicken, pork, and beef; I am southern, I grew up in Texas and Oklahoma we eat meat. Until I got the phone call.

The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore

Thanksgiving 2021 weekend I was with my best friend/adopted daughter and her son, my grandson. My son and grandsons and ex-husband always go hunting on Thanksgiving weekend with my ex-husband's family, if my daughter was in town she would be with them. For this reason, I generally spend Thanksgiving alone with a Doctor Who marathon, bowties are cool 😉. My friend had to work most of the holiday weekend, bonus extra time with my grandson, and we will be lazy on Sunday. I decided I was going to make Posole and let my grandson help in the kitchen, I am a big advocate of getting kids in the kitchen as early as possible and letting them smell, taste, feel everything you are doing. We made the Posole, a hominy stew with tomatoes, and added cabbage, and chicken but my grandson said it was a little too spicy for him. Sunday morning my daughter and I are finally catching up, being lazy when the phone call shattered my life. I've read before where writers say "the sound of the phone shattered the silence" etc... this call changed my life forever.

The Tears Are Always Clouding Your Eyes

Music is my love language. It's how I communicate, how I understand the world around me. The lyrics I have been quoting are from a very old song called The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore by The Walker Brothers. It was probably released before I was born but I heard it in the movie Truly, Madly, Deeply. Released before Ghost and starring Alan Rickman it is essentially the British movie that Ghost desperately wanted to be. Yes, I am brutally honest and yes I still love Patrick Swayze. My ex-husband and I saw TMD in a Blockbuster and rented the VHS tape. It became our movie. We saw a wonderful picture of Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy on a beach and immediately decided that would be us someday. 

My son was on the other end of the phone that Sunday morning. He asked me if I could talk. This always annoys me because I don't like it when other people answer the phone when they can't answer the phone. His voice let me know not to give him a smart-ass answer. His voice sounded dangerous and contained at the same time. He told me to sit down. He said, "Dad is dead".

No More Smiles

I don't know how the phone call ended. I hope I kept it together for him, as his mother since he had just lost his father and his children were there too. I may have put my friend on the phone, they are good friends and their children have known each other all their lives. My body, when in shock, might look like I am functioning but I'm not and so I do not know what happened on the phone call or any of the days that followed. I loved my ex-husband, everyone in my family did. We obviously didn't have a "normal" divorce. I do know when I got off the phone my friend, being a Russian mom, wanted to feed me. All I could think was "If I eat anything that isn't liquid I won't be able to breathe" So I stopped eating. My friends would make food and call me to eat and I would politely decline and tell them I wasn't hungry.

I had been drinking water and had been on an Intermittent Fasting diet for nearly a year, not eating and just drinking Ensure shakes once or twice a day was really easy. If you are unfamiliar with Intermittent Fasting I will post some information and a link to some info. I am new to this so bear with me.

Coming Out of the Dark

As I have said previously, I am not a nutritionist or physician. I also knew I wasn't bulimic or anorexic. Like most people, I had a REALLY bad 2021 and when I lost my Hume... it is still too much. I am hoping this blog will help me and also help others who need to get over 2021. I am hoping this blog will reach some vegetarians who can come on board and help me find quick easy veggie recipes that aren't just tearing up lettuce now pour on salad dressing hahaha. I actually do have a few recipes for you already!! Did you know that sugar is vegetarian?! 

Back to the story of why I am a "Fortunate Vegetarian". Well, words do have magic and there are no coincidences in the universe. Several months ago, while placing my Walmart grocery delivery (I am chronically ill and homebound and Walmart is a Godsend) for some reason I ordered about 10 packs of Ensure meal replacement shakes, I keep them around because I'm not really able to do a lot of cooking and they fill in nicely. When everything happened around Thanksgiving I was all set. 

be good to yourself and I hope to see you again